If I started a blog… this is how today’s entry would start:
I opened my day eating a week old grapefruit while standing in the middle of my kitchen and looking at the latest photo album of my friend’s babies. And I wondered, how much longer will my ovaries last and is one week old OK for a grapefruit?
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, or a truly ridiculous blog began with a grapefruit. But how did we get to this fateful grapefruit?
It all started with Bull Durham, but wait, I am getting ahead of myself. It started years ago, the first time I said something to a group and they laughed. My very first audience.
Fast forward a mere 32 years later and a typical night of insomnia…. when TNT presented Bull Durham. And Kevin Costner told me what he believes in.
Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman’s back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.
You know the scene… Crash Davis makes Susan Sarandon’s knees buckle by rattling off his beliefs.
So the next morning, lacking anything original, I shared this with my facebook world (aka “My Audience”)… and a theme was born. For the next few weeks, I shared my beliefs with my facebook world… and they laughed.
I had a new audience.
You all loved some, hated others, agreed with most, disagreed with some, cheered for the Horns, cheered for the Sooners, laughed, cried, got Charlie Horses…. what have you.
My personal favorite was (don’t worry – I’ll be sharing lots of these with you):
Well, I believe in a parent’s love.
Great big jewelry, a full belly laugh, and John Denver songs.
I believe in monsters under the bed and
I believe a man’s hand in the small of my back is sexier than just about anywhere else.
I started thinking that I had so much to share with my audience that status updates wouldn’t suffice anymore. I NEEDED A BLOG.
So, this morning, staring at my rotting grapefruit and comparing it to my unused and neglected ovaries; I became determined to share the ridiculous notions that flow so freely through my mind with my audience.
This blog won’t be for the faint of heart. I will say fuck, I will say shit… I might even say something about you. But I hope that you’ll find something you agree with, something you disagree with, something you love, something you hate, but mostly I hope that you find we’re all a lot alike.
I’m just bitchy enough to point it out.