No, this is not a patriotic blog entry. This, my friends is an ode to USA network: Home of the Law and Order and NCIS marathons. Thank you, USA programmers, for back to back episodes. Most of which I have seen many, many times. And yet, I cannot tear myself away from it. Benson and Stabler are like my closest friends. And someone please tell me that eventually DiNozzo and Ziva get it on?

My mom, she likes Lifetime. Don’t get me wrong I love a 6 hour movie about a woman killing her husband that beats her while falling in love with the police man who is investigating the mysterious disappearance of said husband as much as the next girl. But it just doesn’t compare to the back to back episodes of NCIS, Law and Order: SVU, Law and Order: Criminal Intent and early morning episodes of JAG.

Is there anything better than Vincent D’Nofrio at the end of Law and Order: CI… I mean seriously, that dude knows EVERYTHING. He is the Doogie Howser of the NYPD.

And I know that some of you out there are screaming, “Wait, what about the History Channel?” The History Channel can blow me. Please, the last time I watched it all it talked about was Nostradamus and the fact that the world is ending on December 21, 2012. Like I need more doom and gloom in my life. If I want to be depressed, I’ll just look at my ass or the crow’s feet developing around my eyes.

Consider this my notice that when I don’t meet you at the park to walk, miss dinner or don’t answer your call. You can bet your sweet ass that its cause there is some kind of marathon on USA.

So, thank you, USA programmers for knowing exactly what I need and giving it to me, repeatedly.