My friend Kathy is getting married today.  I am thrilled for her.  She has spent the past year planning every detail.  And it got me to thinking…  There are always a few elements out of a brides control. The one that has been on mind the past few months is the wedding party.  So, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to present you with wedding party rules by Sherry Woodard.  If you are goingo to be a bridesmaid, a maid of honor, best man, usher, house party or anything in a wedding anytime soon.  I recommend you read these and take them to heart.

  1. Do whatever the bride wants.
  2. Do whatever the bride wants.
  3. Let me be more clear… do whatever the bride wants.  Do not be difficult.  You do not matter in all this.  You are replaceable.  Whatever your role, there is someone else they can put in that spot.  Do not add to her stress.
  4. Don’t ask too many questions.  The bride has already belabored over every decision.  Asking questions just makes her think more.  Just don’t do it.
  5. Do not get drunk at the rehearsal dinner.  No bride wants hungover friends on her wedding day.
  6. Going home with a groomsman, bridesmaid, usher, whatever is not acceptable from the rehearsal dinner.  You wanna hook up after the wedding, fine, do whatever you want but Friday night before the wedding – the bride still REALLY cares what everyone thinks.  She does not want her aunt talking about her slutty high school friends. 
  7. Give a toast.  If you are terrified of speaking, fine… write something out and tell the bride ahead of time.  Apparently being toasted is kind of a big deal.
  8. If you have a speaking part – practice. Our friend Tammie is speaking at Kathy’s and you know what – she has practiced – I applaud that.  Do not be the funny part of the ceremony.  The bride and groom are really the only ones that should do anything funny.  If you do it, well then, you just ruined her perfect wedding.
  9. Do whatever the bride wants.
  10. Don’t be difficult.  No one, I repeat, no one gives a shit about your needs.  Our friend Margaret… she gets this rule.  She will eat what she is served and by God if she has to use the Epi Pen cause it was cooked in peanut oil.  Well, then she’ll use it.  But quietly, in a bathroom, so as not to pull attention away from the bride.

I say all these things with love and offer them to you now – so that you will all be real, real clear about my expectations when my turn comes.