When I was in the sixth grade our choir did a riveting performance of Oliver.  Austin Amos had the role of Oliver Twist.  I might have been in the back of the chorus, if they even let me on stage.  The reason I mention this is that song “cheese glorious cheese, hot sausage and mustard….” keeps running through my head.

And here’s why….

I have recently met a number of people that don’t eat cheese.  And frankly, I find it really hard to trust them.  I don’t understand this.  I can assure you that if I was the most lactose intolerant person on the planet, I would still find a way to have queso. 

What’s with people that get pizza with no cheese?  Yes, Jonna – I am talking about you.  That’s just bread with Ragu.  What’s the point?  Pizza should have that perfectly melted cheese with the layer of grease on top.  The white box that it comes in should have grease spots.  This is how pizza was meant to be consumed. 

*I am sure I am going to get some negative press about that statement from my co-workers at the American Heart Association… but, hey, everything in moderation, right?*

So if you are reading this and you don’t eat cheese… I want to point out some of the things you are missing out on in life.  Cheese Sticks.  Cheese Its. Cheese Nips.  Cheese Flavored Goldfish.  Pizza.  Queso. Queso Blanco.  THE BOB ARMSTRONG DIP from Mattito’s… (oh my God that shit is so freaking good… now I miss Dallas.) Cheese Blintzes.  Baked Brie.  Blue Cheese Fries.  Cheesecake.  Better yet, my Aunt Gladys Cheesecake.  Cheesy Artichoke Dip.  Twice Baked Potatoes.  Grill Cheese Sandwiches.  Turkey and Cheese.  Cheesesteak Sandwiches.  Cream Cheese in general.

I just don’t get it.  And don’t get me wrong, one of my most beloved parent figures doesn’t eat cheese.  I accept it in Bruce because a) I’ve had years to adjust to it and b) well, he just so nice and fun that you kind of overlook it… and c) his wife still makes queso by the gallon for Saturdays by the pool. 

But back to just not getting it, what isn’t there to love about cheese?  You can even still have cheese on the Atkins Diet.  And it compliments wine.  I can’t imagine my high school years without Chili’s Queso.  There’s a place in College Station that serves BBQ on butcher paper with a block of cheese and only a knife.  See how much cooler the BBQ was cause it came with a block of cheese?

Anyway, I could sit alone in my apartment and blog about cheese for days. So, I’ll send out my question to the cosmic void today “What gene are cheese haters missing?  Was something in their brain damaged?  Can they be trusted?  Do they really know what they are missing out on?  And how can I… a lowly public servant… help them to see the light?  To discover that “cheese glorious cheese”?” 

I don’t think there are answers to these questions, I don’t think there is a solution… but just know this… if you don’t like cheese… well, I am watching you…