Do you remember that book from when we were kids, Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day?  I’ve thought about it quite a bit this afternoon.  Kid starts the day with gum in his hair, falls in the mud, has lima beans for dinner…. I know how he feels.  And here is why.

I’ve had a Terrrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day and the only thing I can do about it is laugh – hysterically. 

The beginning of my day was rough, the middle was fine and the end has been down right funny. Today was my first day back at work from the holidays and I was actually optimistic and excited about getting back to work.  There’s lots to be done and things are hopping at Heart – so I liked the idea of getting back in the office.  Frankly, January has historically been a total crap month for me.  Seriously for the like the past 20 years, if bad, annoying, frustrating or inconvenient things were going to happen to me – they happen in January.  Really, truly… people die a lot in January that are related to me.  I will worry about my mother until the 31st… if she lives through January, well, then, I’ve got her for another year.  Things would always break on my house in January.  I tend to get random large bills in January.  I’ll get mysterious medical ailments that no team of “House-like” doctors can figure out.  I once went to the hospital in January for what turned out to be gallstones… and they diagnosed me with mono.  Anyway, I provide you all this insight into MY VERY RATIONAL fear of January.  To tell you the story of my day today.

If you’ve had a rough day, take heart, mine was pretty shitty.

At about 4 this morning there was a large bang from my closet.  I awoke with a start certain that my serial killer had finally come for me.  In my freight, I knocked the remote control into that no mans land between the headboard and the floor that you’ll never be able to reach without moving the bed.  Of course, I can’t move my bed because I am alone and unmarried.  So I have no husband to help me.  Anyway, if I’d had a husband I would have sent him to check out the scary noise and recommended he take a gun.  But again, no husband to do these things.

Not that big of a deal really, until you add it all up.  Simply the fact that entire rack of clothes, shoes, jewelry etc. had fallen in my closet.  Literally, ripped from the wall.  For a normal person this might not be traumatic or even that messy.  But I have a lot of shoes.  I think it even scuffed my brand new burnt orange cowboy boots.  So, my closet is an asshole and the remote is dead to me.  But not the end of the world.

I go back to bed… the rest of the morning isn’t that eventful – minor slip but no fall on water from the shower…. but I head off to work and a slew of meetings.

Forget to eat lunch because I am sealing Heart Ball invitations frantically but again… nothing too dramatic.

As I leave the office for my last meeting of the day… this is where we start to slip into the No Good Very Bad part.  I patiently wait my turn to turn right onto the 610 service road.  I signal, and then turn.  Some jackass making a U-Turn hits me.  First thought, crap… now I am going to be late.  But hey, I am ok… car is ok.  That’s what matters, right?

Get back into my car, head to meeting.  Granted I am guilty of everything that happened next.  Its technically my fault.  But a whole bunch of it could have been avoided if… you guessed it, I had married young.  Because then I would have a husband that would have taken care of the following:
– put a copy of my updated insurance in my car
– put the front license plate on my car
– renewed my registration
– made me go get a new drivers license when I lost my wallet

Since all of the above plus speeding are what I got tickets for this afternoon within minutes of being hit my an errant u-turner.

So now, I am just sitting here, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Though I don’t really know how, since all my shoes are already on the floor.