A curve ball is simple a throw, really a handmovement that makes a baseball head down or spin sideways. Understanding this has helped me understand why people say that sometimes life throws you a curve ball.
Its kind of big deal for me, but I have left the Heart Assocation. For the first time since I was 16.. I am jobless. I can't bring myself not to set my alarm and I've set up an extradorinary desk on my kitchen table. And well, frankly, I am sooo much more productive with Law and Order constantly on in the background.
Its hard for me not to feel like a failure right now. Its hard not to have terribly wounded pride. You see, my job simply wasn't right for me. I didn't like it and they didn't like me. I wish I had, cause it was a good cause. But it didn't fit right. Kind of like a really great dress. You try it on in the dressing room at Nordstrom's and it looks good. You look totally hot it in. You put it on to go out and you look good. You walk out the door with your head held high.
Then you get to dinner and you sit down. And you've got muffin top. The dress looks like total ass when you sit down. It bunches up funny around your thighs, and hits in you in all the wrong places. So you lose a little of your giddy up. You hope that your napkin is covering up stuff, but you know that people are getting weird glimpses.
That's how my job was. Looked great in the dressing room, but it gave me a muffin top. It only fit right when I was standing up… and that can't last very long because eventually your feet start to hurt.
So, I am swinging away at this curve ball, hoping to chip a piece of it, maybe I'll hit the sweet spot and bring in a home run. What I do know is this, that a year ago I took chance. I took a big risk to try to something different. And as you all know, I love my new life… I just didn't really love my new work. And now I am taking another big risk trying to find the right thing for me…
I am very, very lucky. I have a safety net named Big Sara. She makes the risks a lot less scary. And she has always told me when a dress didn't fit right. So I know its all going to be ok.