Warning:  This may be a blog you don’t agree with.  And you don’t have to.  Because this is about how I feel.

Tonight has been a strange juxtaposition of emotions for me and I suppose much of America.  Tonight, my range of emotions went a bit like this:

  1. Holy shit balls.  They did it.
  2. Holy shit balls.  Obama just won the presidency in 2012.
  3. Holy shit balls, a lot of wives, mothers, friends, daughters, sons, and husbands will sleep a bit easier tonight.
  4. Holy shit balls, is this why Wills and Kate postponed their honeymoon?
  5. Damn straight, Obama… God Bless the United States of America
  6. Holy crap, people are dancing in the streets
  7. I wonder how much a ticket to DC would be?
  8. Dude, how badass a career achievement is it for the Navy Seal that got to fire that shot.
  9. Wow, finally… some joy at the twin towers

Ugh… I am celebrating death…

Then I saw this photo and I realized how I felt about the world news tonight.

I remembered that  10 years ago when others ran out, they ran in.

And tonight, as others continued their cowardly run, brave soldiers ran in.

This is where I think my emotional roller coaster has ended.  This isn’t about celebrating death.  Tonight’s celebrations were for the families of the Americans, military and civilian, that lost their lives in this fight.  In this fight, that we didn’t start.

This celebration wasn’t about one man’s death or an end to terrorism.  This was about finally feeling like we had some kind of victory.  That it might not be over, but finally, FINALLY… the every day ordinary people of America had some of the hope they lost 10 years ago when they raced down flights of stairs, or rushed out of DC.  Finally.

Several posts and notes from people on Twitter or Facebook truly gave me great pause. As a Christian how could I feel joy in vengeance?  People said that this should be a time of somber reflection and serious thought.

As to the somber reflection and serious thought… eff that… I’ve had that since I feared for friends’ lives in New York and DC.  I had that since I questioned my own fears each time I traveled.  I’ve had that as questioned my own prejudices and stereotypes.

I read that it’s not our place to judge or exact revenge.  That vengeance is the Lord’s.  I am quite sure that the next sentence is me rationalizing… but I am going to do it anyway.

If the Lord works through us on Earth to share his good news and if the Lord works through people on Earth to show his love – Well, then I am pretty sure He uses people on Earth for his vengeance.  Tonight, He used the Navy Seals.

What I feel and what I think, right now, as a God fearing woman is this:  Grateful.

Tonight I am grateful that I live in a country that two Presidents with differing political views shared the same tenacity and dedication to finding a murderer.  A MURDERER.

Tonight I am grateful that for the innocent people that survived the attacks on 9/11 they can perhaps feel a sense of small peace that their attacker has been caught.

Tonight I am grateful that for the loved ones that lost so much on that morning 10 years ago, they have these few moments of joy.  A feeling that has been so lost to them for the past 10 years.  And I refuse to question the manner in which they express it.  I refuse.

Tonight I am grateful that the men and women that were covered in dust and ash on the downtown streets of New York, might feel clean once more.

Tonight I mourn for the tragic state of the world that such evil exists.  I mourn that such evil exists that we feel the need to celebrate its destruction.  I wish those celebrations didn’t have to exist.

But, tonight I will not weep for a killer.  Tonight I will not mourn a evil man’s death. Tonight I will be grateful.  Grateful to my country and my God.

And tomorrow, well tomorrow I’ll probably sign up to volunteer on Obama’s re-election campaign and I might drop a little thank you card off at George W’s.