Typically in the summer my mother transitions from being an 8th grade English teacher into “Summer Mom.”  That’s the term we’ve used for years to describe Big Sara during the summer months.  She can knock out an entire year’s worth of home improvement projects, her garden looks amazing and she catches up on things like dentist appointments, colonscopies… what have you.  She does more in one summer than I do in 5 years.

But Summer Mom has one major difference from School-Year Mom.  Summer Mom loves to do stuff for her darling daughters.  One summer she watched Oprah and the next day she basically bought me a new wardrobe and then delivered it to my house.  What? You just want me to try everything on?  How fast can I change?

She has always been like this.  Jam pack as much as you can into those summer months – because come the first day of school… Big Sara’s schedule is full and it goes like this:

Wake
Teach
Home
Wine
Smokes
Wine
Smokes
Wine
Smokes
Sleep
Repeat

This summer, however, we don’t have “Summer Mom” we now have “Retirement Mom.”

Retirement Mom is GLORIOUS.  Glorious, I tell you!

Today she is doing my laundry, proofed a paper for me, took flowers to my sister’s house, went to Wal-Mart for my sister and took my sister’s housekeeper to lunch.  That was all before 3 pm.  Retirement Mom is on fire.  Retirement Mom has scoured her cookbooks and is preparing me meals that I can simply re-heat in the oven.  She keeps texting me to ask if I like this food or that food.  And yes, you read that correctly, I said text.  Big Sara got an iPhone.  She is a texting fool.  The best part of her texting – every single text is spelled correctly, capitalized correctly, and punctuated correctly.  (Unlike 99% of my blog posts.)

I have only one tiny complaint.  Its something I knew about Summer Mom and I thought perhaps Retirement Mom wouldn’t have this same “hang up.”

You see, Summer Mom and Retirement Mom think I am retarded. 

How do I know?  Because this was taped to stuffed tomatoes that she made for me.

If being Retirement Mom’s retarded younger daughter gets me laundry, proofreading, shopping, and cooking services…then retarded I will forever be.