When I was younger I was utterly confused by the fact that doctors take the “Hippocratic Oath” – it seemed a horrible idea to have doctors pledge to say one thing and do another.  I recently had a friend repeatedly tell me that I was a hypocrite – or maybe that I was hypocritical.  I sure he’ll argue there is a difference.  First, its kind of mean to point out someone’s flaw, especially via text.  Second, are we all hypocrites or just me?

By this I mean, are we all trying so hard to appear one way that we’ve lost sight of who we really are?

You see, adoring public, over the past year I’ve had kind of a rough go.  It feels more like failure than any other time in my life.  But things are getting better. Crap, did I feel the need to say that so I don’t look bad? No, they are getting better.  However, for the better part of a year, I’ve put on a brave face and desperately hoped that I looked like I had it all together.  I suspect that some of you knew that I didn’t… have it together, that is.  So, does this make me a hypocrite or human?

Granted, I think my friend was actually referring to a much less honorable side of my hypocrisy – the fact that I like to make fun of people but don’t like to made fun of in return…. Wait, that makes me human, too.

So, cosmic void, is this hypocrisy or humanity?  Are we built two-faced – to say one thing and feel another?  Or is it just me?  I looked up the definition of hypocrisy.  I had to download a dictionary app first but I looked it up.  Hypocrisy is a feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not… Apparently, it is not the oath that doctor’s take.  But it sounds to me like it’s the act of believing or trying to believe in something that you aren’t or don’t believe in . . . so when I try to act like it’s all going to be okay but I am horribly afraid that it won’t be . . . according to Webster I am a hypocrite.

Here is my big question for the cosmic void – is all hypocrisy bad?  I know some of it is a shield, a bit of armor that helps protect us, right?  My friend would say “no” – he’s a right/wrong and black/white kind of guy.  I live in the gray.  I used to want to be one of those black and white people.  Where everything has its place.  Things seems so clear to them.  As I’ve matured (read gray hair) I’ve decided that I like living in the gray.  For starters, the dim light makes my skin look better.  For another, every situation is a kind of surprise.

So, maybe my question is this . . . does living in the gray make us hypocrites?  I don’t know.  I really don’t, probably because I am in the gray.