They say that tomorrow is a blank page. That tomorrow is the first page in a 365-page story that you get to write. They say that tomorrow is a fresh start, no mistakes, a new beginning. But the thing is… for it to a blank page it would mean that I’d have to leave behind the things I already know. I don’t want to have to go back and re-learn all the things I’ve learned this year. So I don’t want a blank page. I don’t want a fresh start or a new beginning. I just want the middle to get better.
I just want to take the next year to improve on the things I’ve already done… not start all over again. Everybody likes the idea of a clean slate. It sounds so refreshing, doesn’t it? That magically when that clock strikes 12, all the bad things, the mistakes, the missteps, the hurt and the loss just disappear. A blank page – a new story.
I don’t want a new story. I want MY story… I’m just ready for it to get more interesting, a little less dramatic and to have a lot more romance. So rather than a blank page, can I just edit parts of the story? Can I start this chapter with corrected vision? You know, learning from all that’s happened to me so that I am a better character in the story. Can I keep the memories of the guy that made my snort laugh and smile just by thinking of him but forget that I dated a convict? Can I forget how they guy that never called made me feel but remember how much I respected the ones that did even when there wasn’t chemistry? Can I forget all the frogs I’ve had to kiss in search of my prince? Can I forget how tired I’ve felt after so many long trips and just remember my sense of accomplishment with each event? Can I forget how bad the twin’s diapers smell and only think about their precious smiles? Can I forget the inconsiderate things I’ve said and done and only remember the times I was giving and kind? If I can do that, then I’ll take tomorrow as a blank page but as the start of a new chapter… in the same ole story… though I hope that 2014 holds some plot twists for me.
I thought a bit about what I want the plot to be of this new chapter, this chapter 2014… and here in no particular order are the plot twists, the story develops and the character development that I hope to see in my story:
I’d like to choose to see the good stuff…to look at things and see the positive and not always wonder when the other shoe was going to drop. I’d like to invest more of the chapter on people and less on things. I hope it’s a funny chapter and that I can continue to make people laugh with my ridiculous life stories. I’d like there to be lots of romance and flowers and maybe even kissing.
I know there will be the twinnies and the continued adoration of them as they grow, mature and change. I hope, in this chapter, that I don’t just go places anymore. I want to SEE places, to experience them… I don’t do that now, right now, I go in… I do my job…and I come home. Except Vegas. Vegas I will just go to. I’ve experienced enough of that city to last a lifetime.
In this chapter, I want good things to happen. To me and to the people around me…. I want more good times than bad times. In this chapter, I want to be stronger and not let people take advantage of me. In this chapter, I will no longer do things for those that don’t appreciate me.
I won’t look back. This will be a chapter about letting go as much as I can. I can’t change the things behind me, so I will learn to let go and get over things.
In Chapter 2014… I will accept that I can do anything but not everything. I will work harder not to let people down. I will love fiercely and find people that aren’t scared of that kind of love. In this chapter, I will admit when I am being ridiculous… if I see it. Mostly I don’t see it.
I will work hard in this chapter to accept that though I am flawed, I am beautiful, I am smart, I’m an above average dancer, a decent shot, and worthy.
But we’ve come to the part in the story where I have to start doing things like drinking more water, flossing, and getting more sleep… I promise those things will be a part of this chapter, too.
But the most important part of this next chapter for me, though I often have a heavy heart, a confused soul and a racing mind I will carry myself with grace and I will show the world kindness, even when isn’t kind to me.
What does your next chapter hold?