The dating landscape has been transformed in my lifetime from drunken encounters at frat parties to technology based.  One single innovation changed the game – the swipe.

I think there are some great things for swiping – like if you had a price range and you could swipe available cars in the area…. when you match, you can text the dealer.  Right? Sounds amazing to me and I don’t know why it is not being done.  But I digress… this is about swiping and dating.  For those of you that have been married since before texting I’ll give you some of the basics and then share my “Swipeology” or the methods I use for swiping.

I only swipe on Tinder and Bumble. Tinder is getting just a little, ummmmm, sad…. so I mostly use Bumble.  The main difference is that on Bumble the woman has to message first.  This is nice as it prevents texts like the one I got today on Tinder:

“Hi. What size are those?”

“Oh sweetie, they are are about nine grand out of your league.”

So here are the basics:

You have a profile – its 5 pictures and a short and sweet description.  img_4981Some people go with bullets of basic information, some try to be funny, some are super weird and most are empty.  Because, let’s be honest none of us are reading your profile while at a stop light at Preston and 121… we are just looking at pictures.

You set a mileage radius and an age range – personally, I’d like a few more options but I’m not a dating app developer so I’ll just have to wait.  You flip through the profiles and swipe left for no and right for yes.  If you match, it dings and says “It’s a Match” and encourages you to reach out to that person right away – I never do…. But more on that in a moment.  Basically you’ve got a deck of pictures and you are flipping through them saying “Yeah, I could do him.”

Let me give you perspective.  I currently have 53 matches on Tinder and I’m speaking to one.  The others have not reached out or reached out and it was tragic.  So dating now is actually just a numbers game… the more matches… the more chance you have of finding a winner – theoretically.  I think the more matches the more my disgust with men increases.

So you’ve got the basic idea… right = good, left = no go.  There is more to it than that.  To earn a swipe right, I can’t depend on just the first picture.  I will swipe left based on that first picture but if the profile picture is cute then I look at pic two.  Still no reading.  If pic two is good – right swipe.  If there is an instant match, then I look at the profile.  The first read is for grammar and second is for funny but not overly funny.  If he is both of those, I keep him and wait for him to man up and text something.  With that said, if the profile has a list of things they aren’t looking for that sounds like complaining about women, I immediately unmatch.  If the dude is so frustrated by women that he has to list out what she can’t be – then he’s got more issues than Vogue.

tinder-its-a-matchIf there isn’t an instant match, I go on about my swipe session.  Later on if the phone dings with a match I try to look quickly at the profile for my triggers… If they are evident – unmatch.

Now, let’s say we match and he sends an intro message.  Most of them are incredible works of literary genius – like “Hey” or “Hey Sexy” – the hey sexies make me feel good, but don’t get a response, usually.  I’m not looking for Dickens or anything – but a question to keep conversation going would be nice.  I can usually tell in about five texts what a guy is after.

That’s about when the ones that want a hook up only ask “So what are you looking for on here?”  I’ve started replying to those “A ring, two kids (boy and girl) and a red suburban.  What are you looking for?”  Typically I don’t get a response or they unmatch…. And I laugh to myself at the light at Preston and 121.

Please don’t get me wrong, I’ve met some great guys this way but they’ve been the exception.  I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t also found a good make out buddy from a few when I’ve been bored.  But mostly it’s a ton of start and stop conversations, a lot of guys traveling to Dallas for work and a lot of recent divorcees that are just lonely.

With Bumble, I have to put myself out there. If you match, you have 24 hours timg_5749o send the guy a message.  I try to send a question and even mention something from his pictures or profile.  The question part usually gets an answer – I mean, it is really hard not to answer questions when someone texts you, right? The guy has 24 hours to respond to your text.  So I don’t have 53 matches on Bumble… but the conversations are better and so far, no one has responded asking the size of my breasts.  It is the same hit or miss as Tinder.  For some reason, though, the pictures on Bumble are much better.  I think someone touches them up or something…..

The trouble with all this swiping is that there seems to be an endless supply of “cards” to look through and decide if I want to spend the rest of my life with that person. So I keep swiping looking for a better card.  Don’t get me wrong the tools aren’t perfect but then neither am I.

I’ve gotten more dates from these apps than the dog park.  So I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.